


Nostalgia

by sarahjean



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dan Howell/Phil Lester - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 02:49:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15330078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahjean/pseuds/sarahjean
Summary: excerptthe train to manchester felt like all kinds of nostalgia. all other than the fact that instead of alone i have him with me. we’re heading up north for a video but, it’s more for us than the video. it feels all so weird going back there to the train station to reminisce about our rare day out in town all those years ago. he’s with me not waiting anxiously for me to get off the train.





	Nostalgia

the train to manchester felt like all kinds of nostalgia. all other than the fact that instead of alone i have him with me. we’re heading up north for a video but, it’s more for us than the video. it feels all so weird going back there to the train station to reminisce about our rare day out in town all those years ago. he’s with me not waiting anxiously for me to get off the train. 

all kinds of raven hair getting spiky from sleeping on my shoulder. he might just hate getting up early more than i do. which should come to surprise me but it doesn’t. he’s phil and that means he can do whatever he wants and i’ll let him. last night he was so wired and couldn’t seem to sleep. it got to the point that i told him to go out and do something not in our bedroom so i could at least get a few hours of sleep before he inevitably got bored of being alone. 

as for me i’m listening to music, albeit only through one headphone because he wanted to listen too. he insisted i listen with him because he wants to know what i’ve been listening to while working. it was all too formal for him. he didn’t need a reason but i happily handed over one and played a playlist of frank ocean’s music. the sounds must have been quiet enough, as well as his lack of sleep, as for his eyes shut within a few minutes. his head soon dropped into my shoulder. 

we are nearly halfway there. almost no one is one this train save for the elderly couple sat a few rows away and a young family consisting of two parents and a child. the elderly man had periodically looked over at us every twenty or so minutes. every time without fail the woman whom is presumably his wife slaps his arm. the family seem unbothered. when we got on the train they looked up saw our hands linked and went on with dealing with the child who was clearly excited about going to manchester. times have changed for us. good or bad for others but blissful for us. simple comfortable grasps of hands make both of our anxious hearts fall back to normal rates. 

there has always been mixed ideas between our fans about us. sure they got it right that we are together but those who always saw it as phil as the one who was scared of coming out are more right than wrong. for years both of us couldn’t bear it, that was always why we fought. we were so scared of being judged that we spent many hours locked in different rooms. through that we learned that we had the same fear and that we didn’t have to disclose anything. in the years following we grew into the people we are now. he learned to be completely comfortable while not telling anything straight out. it was hard for him because he has hated lying to people from the beginning and not telling the fans about us felt like a lie and lies never sit well on his conscience. i remind him still that fighting doesn’t help and just like real celebrities too much public attention usually doesn’t help relationships. 

my growth took a lot of convincing on my own part but i’ve grown into it. i learned that it was okay to not label yourself because it only limits you. when he and i first got together i was all to concerned with the label. what we were to each other and what everyone else called us. i don’t think we’ll ever get married unless an adoption agent says we need to in order to be seen as both legal guardians. we did agree that if legally we had to i would take his last name. 

“how far are we?” groggy from sleep and somehow unnoticed by me phil had lifted his head and was blinking rapidly to get his eyes to focus. even with glasses on and his hair quiffed he still retains all the same features he possessed back when we met. same bluey-greeny yellow eyes and dyed black hair. 

“still an hour or two, did you sleep well?” i panned over his still slightly hunched frame. he was still tired, it showed in his posture. 

“ugh i was hoping i’d sleep through the whole time. now i’m awake and there’s no way i’m going to fall back to sleep. what have you been doing while i was sleeping?” he found the headphone that had fallen and placed it back into his ear. looking back at me he rested his head back onto my shoulder. 

“music, thinking, normal dan things. i can’t say i used the time without you talking very well. still thought about how you’d nag me for thinking too much.” to others it would have sounded angry but in actuality nothing but fondness resided in my voice. he knew i was grateful for his reminders to take a break from the messy thoughts and do something outside in the sun or with him. “i was thinking about the last year or so and all the things coming soon. like tour, i’m excited to do another one but i’m worried it won’t be liked or received well. i’m glad that this time though we’ll be less reliant on a script. less to remember.” 

i pressed my face into his soft hair before continuing. “you can stop me anytime because i know if i keep talking you’ll only get worked up and i’d really hate to ruin a day in manchester. i’m just thinking about everything i shouldn’t be.” 

“bear you can speak whenever you want, i would rather you tell me so i can be a source of rationale instead of one of your lying on the floor existential crisis’. plus i love hearing you talk.” he stopped and grabbed my hand away from where it rested on my knee. “we both are anxious so there's no point hiding it when that only makes it boil up and then we end up fighting. it’s only a few weeks before we’re off to brighton which means we both need this little break that was offered to us. you are allowed to speak but everything in our lives is positive. we have so much to be thankful for so for today let’s both put our insecurities aside. i want one day in the city we found ourselves in then we can go back to the worries of life.” 

no doubt he was right. manchester held so many memories and almost two years of nostalgia. looking back some of our worst and best days were there. our first official date and most vicious fight all within the same area. today is to be for remembering the good days. “i love you philly. when we get home i doubt those clothes will be on for long.” i whispered in his ear to avoid the few others from hearing. giggles ensued, with fingers still grasping tight and heads pressed together. 

“shut up” he cooed back. 

our day in manchester was lovely. it was warm and sunny for england and our friends were pleasant as always. true to my word as soon as the door to our flat closed we were colliding like meteors. a night of bliss followed a day like it. night bleed into a somber, sleepy morning of gently holding each other in the warm glow of more sunlight.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading


End file.
